You’re Having A Baby? I’m So Happy For You….. I Think

14 May 2012 2 Comments

by patribella in CHILDREN

As I arrived to my Pilates class today I was relieved to see our instructor April back after being out sick the past few weeks. She had a baby about a year ago and hasn’t been teaching as much, so I’ve missed her classes. Anyway…..as I began to inquire as to what her ailment was she informed me with glee that she was pregnant again.

“Oh, I am sooooo happy for you” I began…….. but before I could even finish the sentence I could feel my eyes welling up with tears.

The truth is, I wasn’t so happy. I should have been, because I adore April, but all I could think was “one more person is having a baby and it isn’t me” :/

She was none the wiser and assumed I was just so happy for her. So we hugged and I tried my best to muster up enough enthusiasm to get through class.

Of course I have always wanted a baby, but never really worried about it because I assumed that it would eventually happen naturally like the rest of the “Cinderella Fantasy” that has been pounded into our heads as little girls. Well guess what??? Here I am, I have long breached the latter half of my reproductive years and no baby? Not only that……but no “baby daddy” in sight!!!

The fact that I work at a hospital doesn’t help because all I hear is the clinical viewpoint…..”Well, you can’t really complain because you can always do invetro or insemination” or “why don’t you just go and get knocked up” or “You can always adopt”…….blah, blah, blah. Even my own Gynecologist says, “Patricia, you are a beautiful girl…..just go find a nice young man and make it happen”. Helloooooo……is he serious? Yes Dr Charles….I’ll go out to the “Nice Young Man” store tomorrow….

Is everyone missing the point? Isn’t it about the “Love”, the “Creating”, the “Sharing” and the “Unity”………

Don’t get me wrong, I give Kudos’ to all the single Mom’s out there!!! My sister has been one for a long time, and God Bless her, because I couldn’t do it. Correction….. I don’t want to do it!

And I don’t want to have a baby just to have a baby……and I don’t want to solicit a friend just to have a baby, I don’t want sperm out of a bottle and I don’t want to adopt.

I just want to fall in love and have a baby……….is that such a selfish desire???

Don’t cry for me yet……..I do still have time to make it happen.

But the realization is that Mr Right doesn’t always come along………or at least not always in time. So the difficult truth is that I may never experience the one thing I always assumed I was inherently entitled to since the day I was born…..the joy of Motherhood.

I used to think the worst thing in the world, for a woman, was to not be capable of having a baby……but to me the worst thing in “my” world is to be physically capable of having a baby, but not able to : (

My Beautiful Sister Kathleen Photographed By Me xo

Texting Does Not A Relationship Make :b

04 Oct 2011 Leave a comment

by patribella in RELATIONSHIPS

I will be the first one to admit that I rely on texting quite frequently. For updates, to touch base with people, to confirm a times, places, addresses or phone numbers. It’s even okay for quickie lil’ chats or hello’s. But…and that’s a big BUT…… Text messaging was not meant to carry on full fledged conversations…..let alone relationships!

Examples Of When Text Messaging Is Just Not Right…..

SCENARIO: If You’ve Met a Man/ Woman….and the primary lifeline to your new relationship is Texting?

REALITY: They are not serious about getting to know you…..but don’t want to cut communication all together because they want to keep you as an option

SOLUTION: Walk Away…..they haven’t yet become a part of your life yet…..so nip it in the bud now

SCENARIO: You have a good friend that always reply’s to you by Text rather then just dialing your number to hear your voice

REALITY: They simply can’t be bothered with you….but don’t want to blow you off completely.

SOLUTION: Don’t bother reaching out to them anymore…..let them do the reaching…and if they don’t, their loss

SCENARIO: You need to have a serious discussion with someone and you find yourself trying to hash it out over a series of text messages

REALITY: They know this and are doing whatever they can to avoid getting into a deep conversation about it…..or any discussion at all.

SOLUTION: You’re simply not a priority in their life or on their friendship list…..as they are putting their convenience over your feelings. So look for your own answers in your question…..if you have to ask why someone is trivializing you or your feelings…….the question in itself is all the answer you need.

FURTHER MORE, TEXTING SHOULD NEVER TAKE PLACE…….

– While Driving

– At The Dinner Table

– In Church……For Those Of You That Know What That Is lol….

– While Having Coffee or Conversation With Someone Else Who Is Sitting Right In Front Of You

– While On A Date

*I will excuse the little texting monsters in my life becuase I love you all…….but expect me to call you on it when I see it! ; )

The True Test Of Friendship…….

15 Sep 2011 1 Comment

by patribella in FRIENDS

They say “tragedy” is the true test of friendship”……..

Many would say….”If a friend cannot be there for you when you really need them, then they’re not a real friend”. But that’s not always the case….… 

When my parents died a few years ago….there were people whom I was not very close…….but ironically, were by my side or on my doorstep continuously throughout the weeks and months following their death. Then, there were others whom I hold very dear to my heart and would have given anything to hear their voice, feel their hug…….even to hear what a shitty day they had at work would’ve been a pleasant distraction…….but nothing.

For some reason……..reasons I may never know……they were unable to be there for me when I needed them most. and even though it hurt…….I never judged them. I knew these people and I knew the depth of their souls and the capacity for love they have inside of them.

Tragedy can bring out many different emotions in many different people. This does not reflect on how much they love us or how much they care for us………only on their own ability to face what we may be going through. 

In my situation, maybe my suffering was forcing them to face feelings and fears in their own lives that maybe they did not want or were not ready to face yet . Or, maybe they felt I needed them to be strong for me……and if unable to do so, then it was better to distance themselves. 

There are many possibilities and none of them with hurtful intent…….and as I would expect people to allow me to grieve or suffer in my own way, I must allow people to react in their own way as well, even if it hurts. If not, then I would be just as less of a friend to expect more from people then they are able to give. 

So in the face of tragedy, or in everyday life……

Heartache Passes……..But True Friendship Never Dies 🙂

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM THE SINGLE GIRL….

12 Sep 2011 2 Comments

by patribella in RELATIONSHIPS Tags: , , , , ,

Ironically, considering the fact that I’m single….you would not believe how often I’m called upon for relationship advice…..and don’t be fooled….it’s not always the girls calling with relationship dilemmas ; )

But I don’t think it’s my relationship status that matters so much as the way I form and maintain relationships in general. Love, Friendships, Family……it’s all the same at the end of the day.

I recently had a friend call me to say her boyfriend had taken on a 2nd girlfriend and should she break up with him or try to be supportive of his decision.
Hmmm, my silent response, in the ‘little bubble above my head’, was…
“WAIT! WHAT?! Are you crazy!?!”
But my verbal response was ” Sweetie, in your heart, you already know the answer to your own question….if you think that’s the best you deserve in life, then go ahead….but I think you know better”.

Truth be told…..most people who seek relationship advice already know the answers to their own questions……they are just looking for affirmation……or more sadly, someone to give them a reason…any small, slightly rational, mini-micro reason to justify sticking it out in an unhealthy relationship.

They say Relationships/Marriage require a lot of work…..sorry people, that’s a crock…….
Yes, Love requires compromise……but it should never be a constant struggle. The ratio of bad times should never be greater than those of the good.
The reality is……if a relationship doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter how enthusiastically you try to make it work or how much you believe it can be made to work, it simply can’t work and won’t ever work……and no amount of love and desire…….or history……or wishes upon shooting stars can change that.

No one is doing themselves any favors by sacrificing their own happiness in a struggle to maintain something that, if most people are honest, never quite worked from the beginning.

Yes, it hurts…..It’s hard to acknowledge that something you wanted so badly just isn’t what you thought it would be….but it’s a hell of a lot easier than looking back on all the time you’ve wasted.

I read this post in a friends feed a few months ago……

“Don’t Repeat Old Chapters….the Ending of the Story Will Never Change”

Omg, So simple…..so true.

We’ve all done it at some point in our lives, ‘held on’……
As many times as I’ve seen the Titanic, every time I hope for a different ending, lol……..but no matter how many times I watch that movie…they are still going to hit the iceberg, Jack is still going to freeze to death…and no one is ever going to find the diamond! Moooove on Patricia……..

So this is Life……People hurt us….Loves, Family, Friends….sometimes it’s intentional…..
sometimes it’s not…… sometimes we never know why.

So pick up people…..move on…..clear your heads…..be happy……don’t dwell…..don’t settle for anything less than what you put into it…….stop expending positive energy on negative people……and most importantly……Love Someone Who Deserves Your Love!!!

xoxoxo

PS: The Above Does Not Apply To Those Who…..

-Live in La La Land….
-Love an Extreeeeme Challenge
-Believe that Constant Conflict Keeps a Relationship Interesting ( lol…that’s a funny one )
-Masochists, Martyrs, etc…..

Beautiful Hearts…..Lion Hearts

01 Sep 2011 Leave a comment

by patribella in TRAGEDY & TRIUMPH

When You Wake Up Everyday and Look For Beauty in Your World…..What Do You Look For?
Do You Look To the Sky….Your Surroundings…..The Faces of the People Around You?

What is Beauty? Is it a Object, a Breast Size or an Eye Color….or is it a Sound, a Thought or a Feeling.

Beauty Is What You Will Find in the Hearts of the People Who Fought to Save this Little Boy….and in the Hearts of the People Who Will Help Give Him a Wonderful Life.

Saleh Khalaf…….. “ Lion Heart ”

“Operation Lion Heart” is the story of a 9-year-old Iraqi boy who was severely injured by an explosion during one of the most violent conflicts of modern history – the Iraq War. The boy was brought to a hospital in Oakland, CA where he had to undergo dozens of life-and-death surgeries. His courage and unwillingness to die gave him the nickname: Saleh Khalaf, “Lion Heart”.

” On October 10, 2003 a small Iraqi boy in Nasiriya was walking home from school when he spotted something shiny. Nine-year-old Saleh Khalaf picked up what he thought was a ball. His older brother Dia shouted, “Don’t move, don’t move!” and Saleh began to cry. Dia ran to Saleh to protect him, but he was too late. The bomb exploded, tearing into Saleh’s abdomen, taking off his right hand and most of his left, and sending shrapnel into his left eye. Dia himself was killed.

Without immediate medical attention Saleh’s mother Hadia and father Raheem knew they would lose their younger son too. But public hospitals were short on supplies. So Raheem rushed Saleh to the Americans at Tallil Air Base near Nasiriya. There the surgeon on duty was so impressed by Saleh’s determination to live that he treated him despite overwhelming odds against his survival.

This marked the beginning of an international mission of mercy that eventually brought Saleh to Children’s Hospital in Oakland. Over the past two years Saleh has undergone more than 30 surgeries and survived several close calls, earning him the nickname “Lion Heart.” Today, Raheem, Hadia, and their four surviving children live in Oakland, where Saleh receives medical care ” 

So when we wake up tomorrow, we should all rethink what beauty means to us……….

*PHOTO CREDIT: Pulitzer Prize award winning photojournalist Deanne Fitzmaurice won the highly respected award in 2005 for the photographic essay “Operation Lion Heart. Deanne Fitzmaurice’s shocking photographs ran in the San Francisco Chronicle in a five-part series written by Meredith May.

To read the Pulitzer-prize winning San Francisco Chronicle series on Saleh….. http://www.sfgate.com/saleh/

For Anyone Who Ever Put A Grey Hair On Their Mothers Head….Sorry Mom!

01 Aug 2011 1 Comment

by patribella in FAMILY

~Sorry Mom for when you went to have a dish of ice cream and there was nothing in the empty carton but a spoon at the bottom

~Sorry Mom for all the little empty wrappers of assorted variety that used to decorate the floors and counter tops of your home

~Sorry Mom for all the times you almost broke your neck coming through the front door over a barricade of shoes

~Sorry Mom for all the times we treated the stairs like extra shelf space for all of our crap

~Sorry Mom that we could never eat at the dining room table unless we wanted to use the barrage of school books as place mats (Yet, we never did our homework!)

~Sorry Mom for all the times you had to throw your coat on over your pajama’s in the middle of the night

~Sorry Mom for your countless sandal’s I ruined because of my reckless navigation of a shopping cart

~Sorry Mom for all of the things you never bought, did or enjoyed for yourself because you wanted to give us the world……

and I’m sure there are many other things I just can’t recall !

Thank You Mom, We Love You!!!

PS….When Mom’s say they hope we grow up to have kids just like ourselves…..now I know exactly what they mean….Touche!